The Mutinous Peons

Another year, another round of the IPB fantasy league (hockey is totally coming, you guys!). Last year the Rabid Chinchillas puttered in to a rather middling finish. Part of the problem was that they were, well, just a wee bit pantywaisted. We got slaughtered in the penalty minutes category every week. Well, this year we've rebranded ourselves as the Mutinous Peons, sharpened our pitchforks, lit our torches, and begun taking our thuggish duties far more seriously. By which I mean that this time around we'll be featuring Chris Pronger with his flying elbows and stomping feet. 

Returning players this year are Pavel Datsyuk, Alexander Frolov, Nicklas Lidstrom, and Brad Boyes (who was surprisingly useful last year). The team is delighted to have all of them back. I'm a little more familiar with the players this year than last, which means that the IPB league really has been a learning experience. So, without further ado:

Things I Am Most Happy With

• Replacing unlikable Russian goalie Nikolai Khabibulin with endlessly entertaining Russian goalie Ilya Bryzgalov. We can only hope for more interviews like this well-known one.
• Patty's favorite player, Philippe Boucher, joining the D. Hopefully he won't be spending this entire season injured even if he does look nice in a suit. 

• Having an integrated team thanks to Dustin Byfuglien (hey, it's hockey, it makes even the town I grew up in look racially diverse). 
• Getting to keep best-player-in-the-world-even-if-the-media-wants-it-to-be-Ovechkin-or-Crosby Nick Lidstrom.

Our first opponent is Amy's The Little Honkers. They're going down. 

In Which I Prepare to Play Fantasy Hockey

When I first heard about fantasy sports a few years ago, I scoffed. How silly, I thought. And yet here I am, a part of the IPB SuperLeague (which is, of course, way cooler than the IPB AmazingLeague) and totally excited about it. The Rabid Chinchillas are going to kick ass! Maybe.

This is our mascot.

The key to this league is that as a fan of an Eastern Conference hockey team, I could only draft players from the Western Conference. About which I know very little. Naturally, as draft time approached, I grew nervous. We were doing an autodraft, so what if I'd failed to exclude all the Eastern players (this did in fact happen), what if I drafted a shitty team, or worse, an ugly team? If you don't care about the players they might as well be decent to look at. Anyway, I've now drafted, and we'll have to see how things shake out. But here's my team (for now):

Forwards
Pavel Datsyuk: Clearly not going to help me much in the PIM category (even I know he's a Lady Byng winner), but should put up points and have a lovely +/-. Is possessed of an extraordinarily triangular head and should really consider a new haircut that would hide this. When wearing a helmet, however, this is less obvious.

Andy McDonald: Without looking too closely at any stats, I'm a bit concerned that he relied too heavily on the indecisive (and far more attractive) Selanne. Fingers crossed that he can put up points independently. Appears to have either the world's smallest head, but it could just be a massive neck.

Henrik Zetterberg: Like Datsyuk, should be good for points and +/-. Would be quite attractive if it looked like he bathed on a regular basis.

Alexander Frolov: Until now, I didn't know anything about him except for the fact that he's one of those up-and-coming young Kings players. But I just looked at an unofficial fansite and apparently his favorite novel is Dostoevsky's The Idiot and his favorite play is Hairspray. Literature and musicals? Awesome. And he's adorable. I think Frolov has excellent potential as a favorite Western Conference player.

Seriously, how cute is he? And a reader!

Milan Hejduk: I know I've heard of him, but I sure don't know anything about him.

Martin Havlat: Ok, so since he used to be in the Eastern Conference. If he stays relatively healthy and refrains from kicking people, I'll be a happy camper. Like Zetterberg, is good-looking when he appears to have bathed.

Defense
Nicklas Lidstrom: The official captain of the Rabid Chinchillas. He's not particularly rabid-seeming as far as players go, but he does seem somewhat chinchilla-esque. I love him, he's great, etc.

See? He bears a distinct resemblance to the team mascot.

John-Michael Liles: Who? Looking at his roster photo, he has a very all-American look. And he seems to put up points fairly consistently. I'm sure he'll be just fine.

Marek Zidlicky: Again, who? Beyond that, his facial hair in his roster photo leaves something to be desired.

TBD: I somehow got Poti, but had to ditch him because he's in the Eastern Conference.

Goalies
Nikolai Khabibulin: If he could magically have a great year, I would appreciate it. He's very Russian looking. In that kind of scary way.

Manny Legace: All I ask is that he doesn't make any comments about how he feels like killing himself this year.

On the bench I have Brad Boyes, David Vyborny, Tomas Holmstrom, and Fredrik Norrena. The only one I know anything about is Boyes. Hopefully he regains his '05-'06 form. He's potentially useful.


In conclusion, my team looks pretty decent (I think, anyway) and isn't nearly as ugly as it could be. Now, to see if I can make my team better by replacing some of these guys. Tomorrow, perhaps.