Monday, September 24, 2007

In Which I Prepare to Play Fantasy Hockey

When I first heard about fantasy sports a few years ago, I scoffed. How silly, I thought. And yet here I am, a part of the IPB SuperLeague (which is, of course, way cooler than the IPB AmazingLeague) and totally excited about it. The Rabid Chinchillas are going to kick ass! Maybe.
This is our mascot.

The key to this league is that as a fan of an Eastern Conference hockey team, I could only draft players from the Western Conference. About which I know very little. Naturally, as draft time approached, I grew nervous. We were doing an autodraft, so what if I'd failed to exclude all the Eastern players (this did in fact happen), what if I drafted a shitty team, or worse, an ugly team? If you don't care about the players they might as well be decent to look at. Anyway, I've now drafted, and we'll have to see how things shake out. But here's my team (for now):

Pavel Datsyuk: Clearly not going to help me much in the PIM category (even I know he's a Lady Byng winner), but should put up points and have a lovely +/-. Is possessed of an extraordinarily triangular head and should really consider a new haircut that would hide this. When wearing a helmet, however, this is less obvious.

Andy McDonald: Without looking too closely at any stats, I'm a bit concerned that he relied too heavily on the indecisive (and far more attractive) Selanne. Fingers crossed that he can put up points independently. Appears to have either the world's smallest head, but it could just be a massive neck.

Henrik Zetterberg: Like Datsyuk, should be good for points and +/-. Would be quite attractive if it looked like he bathed on a regular basis.

Alexander Frolov: Until now, I didn't know anything about him except for the fact that he's one of those up-and-coming young Kings players. But I just looked at an unofficial fansite and apparently his favorite novel is Dostoevsky's The Idiot and his favorite play is Hairspray. Literature and musicals? Awesome. And he's adorable. I think Frolov has excellent potential as a favorite Western Conference player.
Seriously, how cute is he? And a reader!

Milan Hejduk: I know I've heard of him, but I sure don't know anything about him.

Martin Havlat: Ok, so since he used to be in the Eastern Conference. If he stays relatively healthy and refrains from kicking people, I'll be a happy camper. Like Zetterberg, is good-looking when he appears to have bathed.

Nicklas Lidstrom: The official captain of the Rabid Chinchillas. He's not particularly rabid-seeming as far as players go, but he does seem somewhat chinchilla-esque. I love him, he's great, etc.
See? He bears a distinct resemblance to the team mascot.

John-Michael Liles: Who? Looking at his roster photo, he has a very all-American look. And he seems to put up points fairly consistently. I'm sure he'll be just fine.

Marek Zidlicky: Again, who? Beyond that, his facial hair in his roster photo leaves something to be desired.

TBD: I somehow got Poti, but had to ditch him because he's in the Eastern Conference.

Nikolai Khabibulin: If he could magically have a great year, I would appreciate it. He's very Russian looking. In that kind of scary way.

Manny Legace: All I ask is that he doesn't make any comments about how he feels like killing himself this year.

On the bench I have Brad Boyes, David Vyborny, Tomas Holmstrom, and Fredrik Norrena. The only one I know anything about is Boyes. Hopefully he regains his '05-'06 form. He's potentially useful.

In conclusion, my team looks pretty decent (I think, anyway) and isn't nearly as ugly as it could be. Now, to see if I can make my team better by replacing some of these guys. Tomorrow, perhaps.


Pookie said...

I think assessing one's team based on hotness is totally the key to enjoying the otherwise statbit-heavy fantasy hockey! As for Jon-Michael Liles, he's best buds with Crunchy, so that's a point in his favor, right?

andrew said...

You're going down, Meg! I don't care how hott your players Statbitty Avengers will emerge victorious!

Meg said...

As for Jon-Michael Liles, he's best buds with Crunchy, so that's a point in his favor, right?

Ooh, I didn't know that...It's totally a point in his favor.

Andrew, your statbits have no power over me! That's the advantage of having hott win even if you lose.

Kate said...

Meg, this is a very well rounded assessment of your team! Even though we re in the same league, I think I will declare the Rabid Chinchillas my sister IPB team.

That said, you're going down.

Meg said...

Kate, you and I are going to prove that you don't need to know how to play fantasy hockey to kick ass at fantasy hockey.

I'm just going to kick ass a little harder than you.